How to Tell the Difference Between Mormons and Zombies

Don’t you hate it when you’ve just sat down for dinner and you’re about to savor that first delicious sporkful of creamed spinach and tuna when your reverie is smashed by a knock upon the door? So you grunt your way out of the easy chair, pause your DVR’d episode of Iron Chef and head to the door only to discover it’s either a zombie or a Mormon? Seriously, that’s bullshit. And not just because they interrupted your meal, but because what now? Do you need to destroy someone’s brain or just say you’re already devout? It’s a tough call and if you make the wrong one you could end up spending every Sunday for the next year at a church full of friggin’ zombies. Have you ever been to zombie church? It completely sucks. All the hymns are moans and the host is usually feet. Gross feet.