We've all been there. Accidentally sending a regrettable email. Late at night. Then wishing our keyboards had an "unsend" button. Or some type of lever. That could turn back time. And magically infuse us with better judgment and a rabid distaste for alcohol. And strippers. Like, for example -- after typing a vitriol-fueled message (twelve shots of Patron to muster the courage to start typing didn't help) to a recent ex -- listing all the reasons why she made such a massive mistake by publicly dumping me at Quizno's. Three weeks before our wedding. I mean, come on! Who does that? What's a little Chlamydia of the eye between fiancées anyway? The doctor told us the swelling and discharge would likely improve a bit before the ceremony. And BTW -- that over-priced, burka-of-a-wedding-veil your viper Mother picked out could hide a freshly sutured face transplant for Christ's sake! Oh, and they have this new invention. It's ... Read >

We've all been there. Accidentally sending a regrettable email. Late at night. Then wishing our keyboards had an "unsend" button. Or some type of lever. That could turn back time. And magically infuse us with better judgment and a rabid distaste for alcohol. And strippers. Like, for example -- after typing a vitriol-fueled message (twelve shots of Patron to muster the courage to start typing didn't help) to a recent ex -- listing all the reasons why she made such a massive mistake by publicly dumping me at Quizno's. Three weeks before our wedding. I mean, come on! Who does that? What's a little Chlamydia of the eye between fiancées anyway? The doctor told us the swelling and discharge would likely improve a bit before the ceremony. And BTW -- that over-priced, burka-of-a-wedding-veil your viper Mother picked out could hide a freshly sutured face transplant for Christ's sake! Oh, and they have this new invention. It's called...sunglasses!!!! I'm also 99% sure somebody online sells ivory-toned eye patches. Would it have killed you to Google: "bridal eye patches" BEFORE ruining my life? How you justify calling me insensitive...when you're the one tossing away a seven-year relationship and four-year engagement...it boggles the mind. I'm such a f@cking catch! Only been 72 hours -- and already half the women and three of the dudes in my department are literally knocking down my shared-cubicle wall. Remember my office manager, Irene? From last year's Christmas party -- she sent me a totally romantic eCard featuring two mice dressed up like Romeo and Juliet swimming in bucket of milk. Even with carpal-tunnel braces on both wrists, that lovely woman included a lengthy personalized note. Have you EVER sent me an eCard???! Oh, and my boss muttered something about me being on the "fast track" to getting a company car. That's right, honey! You missed out on spending the rest of your life in the passenger seat of a reputedly low-mileage, 2004 PT Cruiser! With CD changer and brand new carpeting in the cargo area! Not to mention a sweet after-market spoiler package and rear window decal. So chew on that youuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuPlease call me. I love you. I love you. love. you. I alwyas willlllllll. sobbing now need to lie down:)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Show Less <