Real babies give me the creeps. They're usually hairless. Spectacularly needy. And constantly making ugly, migraine-inducing, rape-whistley sounds. While simultaneously spilling all sorts of bodily fluids wherever they damn please. I just threw up. But when it comes to plastic (technically, more of a triethyl-epoxy resin) babies -- the creepier the better. Preferably with equally creepy names. Like "Dell" (the precocious, flower-peddling, gypsy-themed ragamuffin from Hasbro -- not the crap PC from Korea). "GabbyAbbyGayle" (never shut her f@cking mouth!). And who could forget, "Damp Nellie" from the late 1970's? Or her best friend, "Def-A-Kate?" And to what brand of fresh hell must one subscribe in order to "adopt" scores of these faux toddlers -- well into adult hood (most often post-hysterectomy, morbidly-obese, mid-western gals who proudly display their "babies" on every flat surface inside their homes)? I wonder...do ... Read >

Real babies give me the creeps. They're usually hairless. Spectacularly needy. And constantly making ugly, migraine-inducing, rape-whistley sounds. While simultaneously spilling all sorts of bodily fluids wherever they damn please. I just threw up. But when it comes to plastic (technically, more of a triethyl-epoxy resin) babies -- the creepier the better. Preferably with equally creepy names. Like "Dell" (the precocious, flower-peddling, gypsy-themed ragamuffin from Hasbro -- not the crap PC from Korea). "GabbyAbbyGayle" (never shut her f@cking mouth!). And who could forget, "Damp Nellie" from the late 1970's? Or her best friend, "Def-A-Kate?" And to what brand of fresh hell must one subscribe in order to "adopt" scores of these faux toddlers -- well into adult hood (most often post-hysterectomy, morbidly-obese, mid-western gals who proudly display their "babies" on every flat surface inside their homes)? I wonder...do the husbands spend so much time hosing each other down with doe urine they just don't notice? Or care? Toss Marie Osmond into the mix and I'm profoundly interested. Show Less <