Cream Cheese and Olive

I would eat it until I was fucking sick. Its simple, you take a package of Cream Cheese, none of this Neufchatel shit….I am talking American cream fucking cheese, you use the whole package, and you throw it in a bowl. Next, you take a handful of SPANISH olives . . .with the pimentos inside and you toss it in with the cheese. You get a fork out of the drawer, and you grind that shit together like it was your fucking job. Grab a knife, throw it on some buttery Ritz crackers and that is as close to heaven as you will ever get. Cream Cheese and Olive. That’s how I came to know it. I’m not sure where the idea originated…I don’t know if its German, English, American or some sort of alien recipe that came from the skies. . . .all I know is that every morning when I would go into school, I would know that in my lunch box, there was a Cream Cheese and Olive sandwich on white bread waiting for me. I couldn’t understand why other kids didn’t have it in their lunchboxes. I mean, to me, there was nothing else to have. Yeah, occasionally my grandmother, affectionately known as Nanny would mix it up and give me a ham sandwich with cheese or something like that, ,but I knew, on those days, lunch was gonna suck. Those were the days, man. Back before we gave a shit about the nutritional content of school lunch. I mean, today, if you gave your kid a half a container of cream cheese and half a jar of olives for lunch, people would punch you in the face and drag you away on charges of child abuse. But back then, it was all I wanted. And, right on schedule, I would come walking in the front door, and what would be waiting for me? Cream cheese and olive, sitting in a bowl covered in Saran wrap in the kitchen. That was the shit. I would mix it up a little bit and throw it on different things, but the main ingredients were always the same. I could never get enough of it. Of course, now, knowing that that was what probably led me to pack on 200 pounds before the age of 12…it was all worth it, man. Now, as an adult, it doesn’t stop. Cream cheese and olive, it’s like dirty, adulterous sex for my mouth.