"Seriously?"

Dear "Owner":
You don't own me. I own you. Are we clear? Cuz if we're not clear, I'll do this thing where I use these huge eyes to turn you into butter. And then I will carve that butter into a swan and feature it prominently next to the center-piece on my Thanksgiving dinner table. Then I will butter a soft dinner roll with your head. I won't eat it, though, cuz I'm a good girl and don't eat off the table.
All my love, Cecelia.