Television Sucks
OK, OK. I know. Everyone and his (or her) dog has written a list of the so-called "best" TV shows of 2006, the best NEW shows, and all that shit. The problem is, most of them missed the mark (by a wide margin). I would be remiss if I didn't put in my own worthless two cents.
One of the main problems is that there are too many chicks doing television reviews. This is a horrible idea. Why? For starters, women have no sense of humor. Yes, there are a (very small) handful of funny female comedians, but most women think that shit like Hugh Grant stuttering or Ally McBeal and that goddamned dancing baby were funny. And don't get me started on women commenting on Sci-Fi. Ladies, please stick to reviewing the Lifetime Movie of the Week or episodes of The View.
That being said, here are the top 10 TV shows as stated by TV Guide (and my comments):
1) Battlestar Galactica - You have got to be fucking kidding me. This crappy show was on almost all "best of" lists in 2006. The only problem is, it sucks. Sure, it's not stupid like the original, but at least the original Cylons were cool. And they made Starbuck (played well by Dirk Bennedict in the original) a chick. That's right, some unattractive butch (and probably lesbian) man-girl with big lips is Starbuck. And Boomer is a moderately hot Korean chick (instead of a black dude). And the Cylons in this version can take human form (bo-ring). Perhaps the worst part of this turd of a show is the fact that it stars Edward James Almos. Give me a break. Seeing his pock-marked face reminds me of the South Park episode called "Pink Eye" in which Kenny is turned into a disfigured zombie and his teacher observes that Kenny has come to the Halloween party dressed as "Edward James Almos." I am almost convinced that there's some sort of Payola scandal going on with this show and television critics. I gave it a chance (because of all the glowing reviews) and I just couldn't get into it (because like I said, it sucks).
2) Friday Night Lights - I can't comment on this show, since I've never seen it. But I will say there's nothing in the world that would make me WANT to see it.
3) Heroes - I have somewhat mixed feelings about this show. While it's interesting to watch (and Hayden Panettiere is hands down the most beautiful chick on television), it's really nothing more than a cheap X-Men ripoff. And although many reviewers found the time-traveling character Hiro to be "charming," he is nothing more that a stereotype of a sissy, dorky, moon-faced Jap, and I for one hate his stinking guts. This should not be in the top 10 of anything (but if anyone knows any links to some hot Hayden Panettiere photos, it would be greatly appreciated)!
4) Grey's Anatomy - OK, it's really a chick show, but I like it. I don't watch it often (my wife does) but from what I've seen, I have to agree that it's one of the better shows on today. The cast is excellent, and the stories are interesting.
5) Project Runway - Ummm.. Yeah.... Whatever.... I don't have enough time on my hands to watch this, and even if I did, I'd do something more productive with my life.
6) Veronica Mars - Again, no interest.
7) The Office - I hate to admit, I have not seen this show. But from what I've read and heard of it (and considering its cast) I am willing to give TV Guide the benefit of the doubt and say it belongs on the list. But my time is limited. I can't watch The Office AND workout and drink beer.
8) 24 - Fuck Yeah! Although this season wasn't as good as the last one (and not nearly as good as Season Two), it's still a great show, and I am one of those annoying assholes who talks about the show to co-workers, and I can't wait for the season debut in two weeks.
9) Lost - This was a great concept, and I watched the first season religiously (that is, until they went for weeks without a new episode, and would then show previous episodes out of order). After the end of the first season, the show totally jumped the shark, and is now one of the WORST pieces of shit on television. If I want to tell how big of a moron somebody is (and they aren't wearing a Lance Armstrong wristband), all I have to do is ask them if they watch Lost. It sucks ass, it's tired as hell, the premise has worn very thin, the characters are no longer of any interest whatsoever, and I really don't care what happens to them. Let me go on record as saying that there is no way that the final season will solve all of the questions that have sprouted around this show. People have asked the writers if the characters are dead or if they're in hell or dreaming or some other copout plot, and the creators have said no. They still claim that EVERYTHING will be wrapped up by the end of season five, but I quickly got the feeling that I was being duped (and stopped watching after the first episode of season two). If I channel surf, I may stop on it momentarily, but there's nothing to hold my interest. You'd have to have a lobotomy in order to like this steaming pile of crap. Other than that, I have no opinion in the matter.
10) Deadwood - Again, I don't have as much free time as other seem to, but I have no interest in this show.
Now that I've gored everyone else's ox, it would probably be expected that I come up with my OWN top ten list. But the truth is, I don't think there are 10 shows worthy of watching on a regular basis. I actually spend most of my time watching Korean television, because it's more interesting (and the women are fucking gorgeous). With that said, if I were to come up with a list, it would definitely include 24, Breaking Bonaduce, Sleeper Cell, and South Park. I can't believe that South Park didn't make anyone's Top 10 list, as it is the funniest show on the air. The satire cuts through both sides of the political spectrum (although it's great to see leftist fuckwads get made fun of so much). The episode about the 9/11 conspiracy retards (and "The Hardly Boys") made me shoot beer out of my nose in certain places. Everything else pretty much sucks ass.
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